Key Change

No matter how many times we visit, I am always amazed at the beauty of Big Sky and Legends Ranch.  As we pulled into the driveway I couldn't help but smile with the joy of feeling at "home".  The first Christmas after my mom passed away, we were invited out by my gracious aunt and uncle to spend the holidays with them.  As hard as the first Christmas was without Mom, Legends provided a place of healing and comfort.  It has continued to do so over the past two years and I am so thankful for God's continued blessing upon our family.

Our flight landed in Bozeman late morning and we spent a majority of the day doing some last minute Christmas shopping.  The weather was beautiful--what my aunt likes to call "Big Sky Blue":) and the sunshine provided some vitamin D I have been missing back in WI.  We eventually headed out of town and up into the mountains, arriving at Legends mid-afternoon.  It has been relaxing to say the least ever since.  We picked up a beautiful Christmas tree, one that takes up a larger part of the living room--and I spent the latter part of the evening sitting by the fireplace lost in a book.

This afternoon as I was browsing the bookshelf, I decided to sit down on the nearby grand piano.  I haven't touched one in years--I still harbor some bitter feelings after being "forced" to play for 7 yrs by my loving parents...:)--but found myself opening the pages to a Christmas carol.  I surprised myself at how quickly I remembered how to read notes and anyone within a listening ear's reach, could probably have hummed along.  I only stayed for a few minutes, but left with a strange feeling of accomplishment.  Any one of my students could've probably played what I had, but still I walked away feeling proud and it got me thinking.  I didn't sit down and play with perfection, but instead worked through each note, often pressing the wrong one, hearing the mistake, and then searching for the correct key.  After several attempts  and a little perseverance, I would play the whole song, each note contributing to a beautiful melody.  I began to transfer this lesson within my own life.

When I think back to my years of piano, I most often recall feelings of frustration and impatience.  I wanted to become Mozart, but didn't want to put the time and practice into it.  Eventually I would convince my parents to let me quit and take up ballet instead.  I realized today, how often I do this in other aspects of my life.  I try something new, then get frustrated and give up or doubt my purpose or need within that given task--something I need to work on.

I believe God has our life written out before us, similar to a piece of music.  We simply have to work through each "note" believing that in the end it will create a perfect melody. I realize that sounds super cheesy and new age, but hear me out.  In music you have sharp and flat notes, which by themselves sound downright wrong.  But when played with other notes, creates a beautiful chord. In life we may feel like the situation or "note" we are facing is too painful or off-key.  However it is needed to shape us into better people--to bring us to the place in life God wants us to be.  We simply need to trust that He has created a beautiful future for us--to play each note regardless of how we think it sounds--to persevere through each hardship knowing that it is molding us into better people--and to rely on him for strength and comfort through it.

I told you, Legends is a place of healing and reflection--I am so thankful to be here this week.  Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and remember the real reason to find joy in this holiday season.  God Bless and Merry Christmas!!! XOXO

Caught on camera:)

Contentment

I was reminded again at my need to be content and patient in circumstances by one of my favorite authors, Joyce Meyer.  Enjoy:)

Thanks Christa Michels for first sharing with the social network:) 

How To Be Content

by Joyce Meyer

The Bible clearly teaches us to "be content" no matter what our circumstances are. In Philippians 4:11, Paul said, "I have learned in whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content." The Amplified Bible describes being content as "satisfied to the point where you are not disturbed or disquieted". It doesn't say satisfied to the point where you don't want change, but satisfied for now until God brings the change. Philippians 4:6-7 sheds more light in this area by saying, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in all things by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, continue to let God know what you want", and verse 7 "the peace that passes understanding shall keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". Allow me to paraphrase these scriptures in my language for you. Don't be upset about anything, no matter what is happening. Pray about it, and tell God your need. While you are waiting for God to move, be a very thankful and grateful person for all that God has done for you already. (Note: Let me say here that if God never did one thing for us except write our names in the Lamb's Book of Life, that alone is more than enough.)

Being thankful from the heart is necessary for the receiving of God's continued favors in our lives. Then verse 7 says after this: 

1. Have no anxiety or care, 

2. Tell God your need, and 

3. Be thankful. 

Then you will have tremendous peace and contentment no matter what state you are in while you are waiting for God to work out His will in your life. 

Let us not forget Romans 8:28 that says, "All things work together and are fitting into a plan for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose."  Even the hard times can work into God's perfect plan for your life. Cast your care, and be a thankful person. Take inventory each day of what you have instead of counting up all the things that you have not. Meditate on what God has done in your life instead of what you are still waiting on Him to do. Your flesh wants you to concentrate on what you don't have. Your spirit wants you to ask God for what you don't have, yet concentrate on what you do have. 

John 14:27 (Amplified) says, "Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled." Jesus left us a legacy of peace, and He wants us to use it. I have discovered through years of experience, many of these years spent in frustration and discontentment, that the secret of being content is to ask God for what I want, and know that "if it is right" He will bring it to pass "at the right time," and if it isn't right, God will do something much better than what I asked for anyway. We must learn to trust God completely if we ever intend to enjoy peaceful living. It is good to trust God for something, but God is calling His people not only to trust Him "for something," but to trust Him "in everything." 

In Genesis 50:20, Joseph, speaking to his brothers who had severely mistreated him, said "As for you, you thought evil against me; but God meant it for good." The very things we think are awful right now, very often can turn out to be a great blessing. The greatest trial can develop in you the greatest faith. God spoke this to my heart a while ago: "Joyce, you see to the end of your nose (which isn't very far), and you assume that anything that doesn't feel good isn't good. But I see from beginning to end because I am The Beginning and The End, and I know many things you don't know." We know in part. God is "The All'.

Exercise doesn't feel good, but it is good. When a rebellious child receives a spanking, it doesn't feel good, but it is good. Hebrews 12 teaches us that no chastening for the present seems joyous but grievous, nevertheless, later on it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Perhaps we need to learn to be more concerned with later on than with right now. Hebrews 12 also says that for the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame, but He is now seated at the right hand of God. Let's be willing to endure for a season, if it will seat us at His right hand of authority and power. 

In conclusion, let me say that the sum of the whole matter is this: Trust God! Hide yourself in the secret place (in Him). God loves you. He is a good God who only does good things. Be content knowing that His way is perfect, and He brings with Him a great recompense of reward for those who trust in Him. 

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This article is taken from Joyce's audio teaching, Contentment and Satisfaction.

Thankfulness

In a room full of family--of aunts and uncles, moms and dads, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters--we each stop to take a moment and bow our heads in prayer. We stand hand in hand, in the warmth of our home, thanking God for the many blessings He has given to us. Other than the sound of my cousins strong voice, all is quiet.

Moments before, the house is in a rather chaotic state...the kitchen is busy with turkey basting, potato mashing, and pie perfecting.  The kids can be found outside playing a game of football, while the dads relax in the living room catching up on the latest ESPN highlights.

I look forward to such treasured time with family.  While each year brings different hardships and struggles, we always seem to find strength from each other, bringing laughter and comfort to each holiday spent together.  I am so thankful and abundantly blessed with such an amazing family, and so many other wonderful things...Tonight I am especially thankful for,

1. Jesus and the freedom I have in Him.
2. My family.  For a Dad who has shown me how to love and live a life centered on God. Who tries his hardest to be a Dad and a Mom, and puts up with the overly emotional and often irrational personalities of his eldest daughter. For my sister and brother--they are both such strong, kind, and loving people full of strength and bravery.
3. My mom.  I could not be more thankful for a mom who has taught me everything it takes to be a woman after Gods own heart.  She was such a true example of kindness, gentleness, peace, patience.  And the faith that is now her sight, is a faith I will continue to hold onto until I see her again. Every day without her, is one day closer to being with her again...
4. My friends and family.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who have loved me, carried me, and simply done life with me:) You know who you are...and I thank you.
5. My freedom. To those who are serving our country tonight, I thank you and pray God's protection upon you. To those who have lost their lives fighting for my freedom, I remember you and pray for your families.

My list could go on forever, but I can hear the laughter erupting from downstairs, what I can only assume to be a crazy game of Balderdash.  Plus I'm pretty sure I have a slice (or 2) of pumpkin pie with my name on them.  Remember, there is so much to be thankful for.  Today and everyday. Happy Thanksgiving!!
XO

New Beginnings

As I sit at my kitchen counter looking out at the rain wash away the bright, vibrant colors of fall I am amazed at how life has a way of catching up with us.  Here I am, graduated from college at the very start of my career with so much ahead of me, yet I can't help wanting to slam on the brakes and just try to catch my breath.  This is probably due to the fact that ever since I got the call from my hometown school district offering me a teaching position I haven't stopped running--running last minute errands, running copies, or stopping the endless runny noses:)

I never thought I would be back home to start my teaching career.  In fact, I promised myself and those around me that Eagle River was the last place I was headed.  I had dreams of graduate school, overseas missions, and living in Music City.  But as always, life has a way of working out in a much different way than we ever plan.  I am now living back home with 16 kids of my own--at least for about 8 hours a day. This means I no longer have an immune system or the desire/need to unpack my collection of cute heels (however I refuse to ever completely compromise my sense of fashion for snowmen sweaters), but it has been an unexpected blessing.  I can't imagine being anywhere else right now--I absolutely love being back in such a familiar place, surrounded by wonderful people who know me, my family, and truly care about me.  I am working alongside teachers who I once had as my own, and walking the same halls that I once crowded with my friends.  It has had it's challenges and I am learning so much about myself, learning what it means to be truly patient:) But most of all I am learning that no matter where God brings us, whether we plan on it or not, He has us exactly where we are meant to be.  And for the time being, that place is right here at home.  It's my time to stop looking backward or forward and simply live for today.

Here's a glimpse into my world now:) Enjoy.

Southern Wedding

I had planned on summing up our second adventure to Nashville weeks ago, unfortunately summer not only comes with fun vacations, but also the crazy hectic schedule of a summer job.  Nevertheless, I have a morning off with no dirty diapers to change or little mouths to feed. I am finally able to enjoy a cup of coffee (from my cliche Starbucks Nashville mug) and the summer breeze from my bedroom window.  So lets rewind several weeks ago to a Friday night at the Belle Meade Plantation.

God couldn't have brought two better people together.  I have known Mike since freshman year of college and to try and sum him up in a few sentences would be near impossible.  I am so thankful for our friendship, and the fact that he has put up with me for the last four years showcases his wonderful character. 

He introduced me to Katie during a visit to Oshkosh back in April and I immediately saw why God brought them together.  She was the perfect balance to Mike K. Chastain :) She is one of the most welcoming, sincere people I know, and her heart for others is rooted in a deep love for the Lord.  Together, they make one heck of a team :) 

On our last Nashville road trip, we were able to visit the Belle Meade Plantation with the couple and get a taste of what the ceremony would look like (along with a sample of the winery's blackberry wine).  The plantation is absolutely beautiful with several restored  stables and buildings which houses the reception and ceremony.  The weather was perfect for the Chastain wedding and the actual ceremony took place outside just as the sun was setting--coincidence? I think not. 

I don't think there was a dry eye in the place (including the groom, who would claim otherwise;)  after the exchanging of vows and rings.  I'm such a sucker for love stories :) 

If ya'll haven't ever been to a southern wedding before, I highly suggest crashing one.  They are amazing! Way more laid back then the typical midwest wedding, complete with the 2 hour long cocktail hour and dreaded chicken dance.  Plus who doesn't enjoy a great BBQ and sweet tea?! 

The rest of the evening included heartfelt speeches, tearful Father-daughter/Mother-son dances, and the Cupid Shuffle (again, no chicken dance folks). 

We spent the rest of our weekend in Nashville hitting up the local karaoke bars, walking Broadway, and enjoying all that is the Wild Horse Saloon.  Before we knew it, we were checking out of our hotel and starting the 10 hour long car ride back to Sconnie, without managing to avoid the traffic jam in Chicago or the dreaded trek through Gary, Indiana.  Eh, worth it:) 

In front of the Belle Meade Mansion

*Anthony Wahl Photography:)

L-O-V-E 

Pandora and Packing

Nashville is less than 2 days away and I couldn't be more excited!!! Looking forward to a weekend of wedding vows and friends:)

Also loving this man's voice, while packing my suitcase.

Never too old for Play-dough

I have officially started my job for the summer as a full time nanny for two very adorable little girls.  I am loving it so far and am looking forward to the few months ahead.  I have been trying to come up with some fun activities to do with the girls, so today we made homemade play-dough.  Normally I am somewhat of a neat freak and like to have order in the kitchen.  However, that doesn't always work out when you are working with flour, food coloring, and a 3 year old.  So instead of trying to completely control the outcome of our little experiment, I set up my camera and decided to just embrace the moment. =)

And really, other than my perma-stained hand from the food coloring, the kitchen looked spotless after we were finished.  I was happy.

Ella, my little helper, all ready to mix our concoction. 

Okay so maybe I took control for a little bit....

She called this "Shrek gum"???  =)

Little Aubrey watching her big sister

Trying to convince me to let her taste it....

Never too late for Christmas cut-outs

A fun end to the perfect day=)

Amazing book

One of the great perks of teaching is the thoughtful gifts students bring in at the end of the year (or in my case, the end of my student teaching.)  I quickly used all of the Starbucks gift cards during the cold months of February and March, but just recently I discovered a forgotten Barnes and Noble gift card in my wallet.

I know they tell you not to judge a book by its cover, but I can't help it.  So while I scanned the shelves at the bookstore I came across Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys.  I have heard that its a great book (and the cover seemed intriguing enough) so I walked out of the store with my new novel, feeling confident in my choice.  The three hundred page book took me two days to finish.  I honestly couldn't put it down.  It's a beautiful, but hard story about the horror of Stalin and World War II.  If you are looking for a great read or are getting bored with your Time Warner I encourage you to check it out:)
    _________________________________________

That's when I saw it.  A tiny sliver of gold appeared between shades of gray on the horizon.  I stared at the amber band of sunlight, smiling.  The sun had returned. 


~Between Shades of Gray

Dave Barnes - What I Need

Summer Beginnings-Small Moments

As the sun shines through my bedroom window I can't help but think of the summer days to come.  So many wonderful things to look forward to- road trips, weddings, camping trips, summer softball leagues, swimming and boating, fresh sun-made tea, late night ice cream trips...ah the list goes on and on.

              

It seems so easy to appreciate all of these little and simple activities, yet why do I wait until the summer months to take the time to enjoy them?? Granted swimming and ice cream is no where near as enjoyable in the middle of February but still I think it is so important to look for these small moments, small beginnings in our everyday life. Even within the Bible it tells us to enjoy the small things (Zech. 4:10 "Who despises the day of small things?").  

I have no idea what to expect this summer.  I know that big decisions will need to be made as I move on from my college experience and into this new season of my life.  I have no idea where God is going to lead me, or how He is going to do it, but I trust that wherever and whatever it may be, it will be more than I could ever dream for myself.  Still, I find myself constantly worrying about my future.

Here is a excerpt from a devotional by Joyce Meyer I have been going through that touches on this particular matter.  Enjoy!

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I encourage you to let everything in life be preparation for the things you have in your future.  Don't despise the days of small beginnings.  Those small beginnings are usually all we can handle at the time.  God will give you more when He knows we are ready.  Enjoy every step of your journey.  Don't be in such a hurry to rush through things that you miss the lessons you can draw from each day.  

To be prepared for whatever God's calling is for you, you don't have to worry about the part you don't know  how to do, just do the part you know.  Your faith-filled actions are seeds you sow.  Sow your seed in faith and God will bring a harvest at just the right time.  

 The Confident Woman Devotional by Joyce Meyer

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As you look forward to the warm summer memories to come, remember to look for the small moments and lessons God gives us each day.  The harvest is ahead, which He will bring at just the right time.  Until then, trust in Him and enjoy the ice cream.

My Official Bucket List

Over the years I have kept a mental list of all of the things that I would like to do with some of the time I have here on earth :)  However, many of these ideas come and go and I forget the very things that I plan on ever doing.  So in effort to keep track of them, I plan to keep an ongoing list so that I may literally check them off as I go.  I may, and very likely will, add to or change the things on my list.

So let me begin.
*These are not listed in order of importance, but instead simply in order they come to memory.

1.  Travel to our family vineyard in Slovenia
2.  Participate in a half marathon
3.  Spend a summer abroad in Europe
4.  Take a cooking class in Italy
5.  Get married
6.  Learn to surf
7.  Volunteer in an orphanage
8.  Take up tennis
9.  Scuba or snorkel the Great Barrier Reef
10. Return to my Irish roots and kiss the Blarney Stone upside-down
11. Have kids
12. Learn to sail!!
13. Travel to Israel and literally follow in Jesus' footsteps/Swim in the Dead Sea
14. Go on a safari
15. Take an Alaskan cruise
16. See a New York Ballet Company performance
18. Open up my own children's book store
19. Organize a fundraiser to support and raise awareness of the SMAD4 Gene Disorder
20. Write a book/get my writing published
22. Ride in a hot air balloon
23. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro
24. Fund raise enough money to build a home for Houses for Health in Tanzania



While making this, I came up with another list.  A list of amazing things I have had the opportunity to do already.  I am so blessed to have had these experiences and am so thankful for such wonderful memories.

1.  Parasailing/Paddle Boarding/Snorkeling in the Virgin Islands
2.  Skiing in the mountains of Montana
3.  Work with a church in Mexico and run day camps with children in the inner city slums
4.  Spent a summer in North Myrtle Beach with Campus Crusade for Christ
5.  Graduated college
6.  Spent a weekend in Vegas
7.  Flew a helicopter into the Grand Canyon for lunch and champagne :)
8.  Swam with Dolphins
9.  Rode the Tower of Terror
10. Met Kenny Chesney
11. Saw the inside of a volcano in St. Lucia
12. Jet skiing in the Atlantic Ocean
13. Took a train from Wisconsin to Pennsylvania
14. Drove a convertible through a tour of Gettysburg
15. Rode in a Ferrari (0-60 in 3 seconds =)
16. Visited Valley Forge and saw the Liberty Bell
17. Saw Cirque de Soleil in Vegas
18. Went deep sea fishing in the Caribbean
19. Spent 7 days (including my golden birthday) on the Eluethera Island in the Bahamas with 10 of my closest friends as part of our Biology class in high school.  Spent 6 hours a day snorkeling and diving.
20. Created a scholarship in honor of my mom
21. Travel to our family vineyard in Slovenia

Happy Mother's Day

I realize that it isn't actually Mother's Day and I am a few days late, but considering my history with blogging, consistency hasn't always been my strong point anyways.

This year is Mother's Day #2 without my mom, and though it isn't easy seeing all the Facebook status's and pictures reminding me that most friends and families are spending the day with their moms, I am thankful for the memories I have to remember her by on this particular day.

I have had many people ask me what my favorite memory of my mom is.  Not that I don't have a million great memories of my mom, but to pick just one out of 21 years is a bit challenging.  I recently came to a realization about the relationship my mom and I had that I really cherish.

I was fortunate to have grown up with a mom who was able to stay at home and be with us kids. And while I'm slightly embarrassed to admit it, she home schooled my sister and I until the fourth grade, when I, pink wind suit and stretch pants, entered public school.  Needless to say, my mom has always been that quiet comfort at home, the person I could always count on to be there when I needed her.  I certainly gave her a run for her money during high school--and yet she loved me with no end, despite the sleepless nights waiting for me to come home or nagging me to do my homework.  And even still, I cherish the stupid fights we had about not cleaning my room or picking on my sister.  Isn't that what moms with teenagers are for??

When I went to college our relationship changed dramatically.  She was the person I called between classes, received encouraging emails with bible verses from, and talked about nothing with.  I am so thankful for these sweet memories, and while I can't give you a specific memory that tops all others, I can tell you that I had the worlds' best mom.  And while I may be a little bias, I think that most people who knew her would agree.

 Most importantly, her and my dad gave me the greatest gift of all by raising me in a home where God came first.  Without their guidance and example of living a life for Christ (along with 18 years of forcing me to go to church regardless of whether or not I wanted to:) I would probably not be where I am today. My hope is that one day, my own children will look at me on Mothers Day the way I remember mine.

Love and miss you, Happy Mother's Day. XO ~S

Back Home

I couldn't be more excited to get out of the frozen tundra that is Wisconsin and spend a few weeks in St. John, VI.  But before I can do that, I had to make a little pit stop in Eagle River. I haven't been home in months, but considering the population size of about 1500 people not much changes in that amount of time.  However, to my great surprise, as I drove through town I noticed a new little coffee shop in our "mall".  So  here I sit in the Mocha Moose (gotta love the north woods) enjoying my morning latte--and watching the clock because nothing in this town stays open later than 4 pm.  But already I have been reminded why I love this tiny little town so much.  Already this morning, I have run into old friends, been welcomed by name at the Post Office and grocery store, been smiled and waved at by complete strangers, and had the most genuine conversation with the sweetest old man reading his morning newspaper.  Life is so much simpler here, and while it may not be the most ideal for an aspiring new graduate, it's the best place in the world to call home.

The BEST latte in town=)

Our beautiful lake=)

New Beginnings

At the beginning of this new year, I was on a mission to find a daily devotional.  A friend recommended The Confident Woman Devo by Joyce Meyer and it has been fabulous thus far.  I wanted to share this morning's "food for thought".  Enjoy!

Philippians 3:13-14 "I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.  I press on toward the goal to win the prize to what God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward." 


One of the great things about a relationship with God is that He always provides new beginnings.  His Word says that His mercy is new every day.  Jesus chose disciples who had weaknesses and made mistakes, but He continued working with them and helping them become all they could be.  He will do the same thing for you, if you let Him.

Recovering from pain or disappointment of any kind is not something that just happens to some people and not to others. It is a decision! You make a decision to let go and go on.  You gather up the fragments and give them to Jesus, and He will make sure that nothing is wasted (John 6:12).  You refuse to think about what you have lost, and instead you inventory what you have left and begin using it.  Not only can you recover, but you can also be used to help other people recover.  Be a living example of a confident woman who always recovers from setbacks no matter how difficult or frequent they are.

I know that we can all relate to a time of pain or disappointment, a time of weaknesses and mistakes.  Let us remember that God's mercy is new every day, that He wants to work within us and provide those new beginnings.

Philippians 1:6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Cupcakes and Jesus.

I have recently become super overwhelmed with all of the planning/decision-making/figuring-out-my-life ordeals of my post-grad life.  So in effort to relax and de-stress (or in the words of Amanda Seyfried, simply become whelmed) I have enjoyed the following activities. I would recommend them all :)

-Following food/baking blogs and trying new recipes (Cake Pops=amazing)--my sweet tooth and roommate are happy.
-Watching TLC. Favorites include, but are not limited to: DC Cupcakes, Cake Boss, and Say Yes to the Dress) Also am a fan of Coming Home and Secret Millionaire:)
- Going through my closet and donating clothes! What a great way to give back and simplify=)
- Two words: Laughing Yoga. Take a friend, it's totally awkward, and not surprisingly, extremely funny.
- Running: Normally I hate running, or exercising in general, but have found it to be the perfect time to pray--which brings me to my final de-stressing activity.

The whole waiting game of trying to see what job God is leading me to has been much too consuming. During times of prayer, He has constantly been reminding me that He has my life in His hands and will bring me to the right job at the right time, requiring me only to trust and have faith in Him.  And while at times it seems frustrating, I know God is developing the fruits of patience and faith within me.  The following verses have been especially helpful and great reminders to me:

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps" Proverbs 16:9

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will direct your paths" Proverbs 3:5

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye" Psalm 32:8

However, this final verse is my current favorite =) .....

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your ways to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass...REST IN THE LORD, and wait patiently for Him. " Psalm 37:4,7

Since graduation, I feel like I have been running around trying to find my place in this world, and instead  have found myself exhausted and without direction.  So the number one activity on my list of de-stressing activities: Resting in the Lord and waiting patiently for Him.

I'm excited.

Life within the Desert

It has been almost one year since my last post. Re-reading my last entry brings back so many feelings-so raw and real, that I wonder how it is that I have made it to today. To try and sum up the events, trials, emotions and feelings of the past 365 days would be impossible, but as I reflect on them it's no doubt that it has been a roller coaster of a ride. I have experienced many of those"color filled" moments and have felt God's sovereign hand in my life. Like I said there have been big events--holidays, weddings, student teaching, graduation!! There have been trials--the seemingly endless weight of health concerns...and the many many emotions that come with all of that.

But it is not that all of these things have kept me so busy that I didn't have time to write. And it is not that I no longer feel the weight of losing such an important person in my life. Honestly, it was the feeling of going backwards.

Within this past year, I have graciously been surrounded by loving people always checking in on me, asking how I am doing since losing my mom. It's a strange feeling, the feeling of your whole reality suddenly becoming something so unfamiliar. Then slowly over the course of a year, this reality becomes the new norm. I have gotten used to life without her in it. And while it makes me sick to admit that, it's the truth. I have adapted and others have made the transition easier. I am so thankful for a Dad who will answer my 3 phone calls a day just to talk about my bad hair day or the new pair of shoes I found on sale. And the many other "moms" who have taken it upon themselves to make me feel loved. But somehow, and more so just recently, I have felt this bitterness within my heart take over.

I know that everyone deals with loss and grief differently. The faith that I have in Christ and the gospel has been such a comfort through it all, and initially is what kept me going, making it through the first few months, that first Christmas, etc. But with each passing day it has gotten harder instead of easier. And I have begun to feel the weight of my stifled anger and resentment towards God---the feeling of going backwards.

So here I am a year later, broken and ready to share my heart. I am not ashamed and I hope that God will use this to only bring more glory to Him who deserves.

I had the wonderful opportunity to visit friends from summer project over in La Crosse this past weekend. And while words cant explain the joy I have in spending time with these people, the greatest part of the trip was the message given at church this morning. The pastor spoke of the Israelites and how God has promised them the Promise Land, however many of them never made it through the desert. He emphasized that we will not automatically experience God's promise or purpose for our life unless we choose to follow Him faithfully and with reckless abandon. See in order for the Israelites to enjoy the blessings of the Promise Land they had to first walk through the desert. But many lost sight of what was promised because of the hardships they faced in the sand. Many turned to idols, began to despise God's provision, and turned their hearts hard against Him. As a result, many did not experience God's promise or purpose for their lives.

And that's when it hit me. In the time of the desert, or our sufferings, we are vulnerable and may miss what God has for us. It is so easy for us to become blind from the sand, heat, and hardships that we may lose sight of the ultimate promise and purpose He has for our life.

Within the past year, I have lost sight of that promise and have become trapped within the desert sand.

So today as I was driving back to Oshkosh I turned on my iPod and began to meditate and process all that I had taken in from the message. My mom's favorite song was I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin and was played at her memorial service. Normally when the song begins to play, I frantically hit the skip button to avoid the waterworks that usually follow. But today I let the song play on and while the waterworks insisted on coming, I was so amazingly reminded of Gods ultimate promise for not only my life, but all of His children.

My mom's life mission was to live in reckless abandon for Her Savior and those who knew her witnessed her live this to the absolute fullest. And so when He so gently called her home she faithfully went, believing in His promise that this was not the end, but only the beginning. And it is in the promise of His Son that I know full well that I will see her again. It is because of Jesus' death on the cross, that I can be assured one day, my amazing mother and I will be together again, on our knees worshiping the One True God. That is the promise that I hold tightly too, even when the sting of death seems to find me in the desert. My prayer for you is that whatever trial you may be facing, that you wouldn't lose sight of God's promise, purpose, and provision for your life.

"I Will Rise"

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the cry of every longing heart,

"Worthy is the Lamb"