Wait and See

This morning has been pretty rough--more complications with my mom and I am still missing North Myrtle Beach more than ever. It's really weird, but when I'm upset I like to just go sit in my car and think, pray, cry, whatever. I turned on the radio to Christian Radio and the song Wait and See by Brandon Heath came on and was really comforting--and as much as I hate where my life seems to be right now, I know that He isn't finished with me yet.

Lyrics to Wait And See :
I was born in Tennessee
Late July humidity
Doctor said I was lucky to be alive

I’ve been trouble since the day that I got here
Trouble till the day that I disappear
That’ll be the day that I finally get it right

There is hope for me yet
Because God won’t forget
All the plans he’s made for me
I have to wait and see
He’s not finished with me yet

I never really was that good in school
I talked too much, broke the rules
Teacher thought I was hopeless fool alright

I don’t know how but I made it through
It’s one of those things that you’ve gotta do
But I always had a knack for telling the truth

Chorus

Still wondering why I’m here
Still wrestling with my fear
But oh, He’s up to something
And the farther on I go
I’ve seen enough to know
That I’m, not here for nothing
He’s up to something

So now’s my time to be a man
Follow my heart as far as I can
No telling where I’m ending up tonight
I never slow down or so it seems
But singing my heart it’s one of my dreams
All I gotta do is hold on tight

Unpacking, that is the question

Well it's been two days since my mom's surgery and once again God has proved himself to be faithful.  The surgery went really well and Mom is in recovery mode.  Though it's going to be a tough couple of weeks ahead, just knowing that this could be the end of her health problems is so encouraging.  Thanks for all the prayers and support!

Since being back I've been going through a whirlwind of emotions.  I was obviously worried about my mom, but on the other hand, had such peace about it.  Maybe because I have seen God bring her through many other health issues already, I knew that He would once again be faithful.  Anyways having to leave North Myrtle Beach was really hard--thats actually an understatement--however I know that God called me back home to be with my family during this time.  While I may not totally understand why I had to leave, why God would take me from an environment where I am constantly being challenged in my face, making such strong christian friends, and stretching my comfort zone, I know that He has a plan.  I also know that sometimes that is easier said than done.  

I was telling a dear friend of mine that I don't even want to get back to being comfortable here at home.  I don't want to let go of all the amazing things and changes I went through while on project.  I have been fighting any sort of routines here at home, hoping that I could just zip my suitcase back up and catch the earliest flight back to the beach.  But I'm beginning to realize that my hope of returning may not be in His plans...at least for now.  Instead of trying to fight normalcy (ie. hanging out with close friends from home, even unpacking my suitcase!) I need to embrace it, and take everything I did learn in the 6 weeks I was in NMB, and live it out at home! I want people to see that God made a difference in my life these past couple of weeks.  

So today, I'm going to actually unpack my suitcase and be a light to the people I have been blessed with here at home. And as much as I want to go back to my second home and family, I will follow this new path that God has brought me too.  Because, honestly, who else better to follow than the One who "saw my unformed body, all of my days are ordained in His book, even before any of them have come to be". 

Power through Scripture

Well today is the day of my mom's surgery-I believe this may be number 4-and she is actually undergoing it right now.  Once again, the day is full of waiting--probably the worst part of the whole miserable experience.  Having gone through this situation on a number of different occasions, I have tried many different activities to pass the time.  Sleep, exercise, facebook (ha), talking on the phone, anything...but today instead of trying to push the issue completely out of my mind, I am simply going to give it over to the Great Physician--the one who has countlessly held my mom through each surgery, bringing her through them okay.  I'm not demanding Him to heal her once again, but to simply have His will be done today.  Of course, I want her to come out of this all okay, and am praying that this surgery would end all surgeries.  However, I trust Him and His perfect will and timing.  Though i DESPERATELY want her to be better, to be able to return to North Myrtle--I have no control over the future.  I have no power to heal her, or  to change the circumstances that make returning to SC possible.  Only He does.  So today instead of trying the old ways of passing this difficult time, I am going to trust Him and pray. 

In the midst of all craziness of packing and leaving NMB, several wonderful friends gave me notes of Scripture to encourage me through this hard time.  I would like to share them and just rest on these promises this morning. 

Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Psalm 62:1-2: "My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation.  He is my fortress.  I will never be shaken." 

Psalm 46: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, through the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

Psalm 119:76: "May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant." 

Matthew 6:33-34: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  

Romans 5:3-5: "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

Romans 8:17-18: "Now if we are his children, then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." 

Feel free to leave any Scripture that you cling to during times of trouble.  Thanks=) 

Not mine, but His

Well its funny how we think we have totally surrendered our life to Jesus, until He makes us give something up.  North Myrtle may have been one of the best things for me--it's challenged me in unbelievable ways, I have been experiencing spiritual growth, been surrounded by a community that is like no other--yet in one phone call, it has all been taken away.  I am now home, still trying to let the reality of it all sink in.  It's been two days since my dad called to tell me that I had to come home because of my mom's health.  I still have no answers to all of the WHY questions I have running through my head.  Why would God put me in a position of leadership, one in which I would be stretched and pushed out of my comfort zone, only to have to give it up? Why would I have to leave just as I was beginning to finally develop those deep, lasting friendships? Why would He take me from a community where I am constantly being challenged and encouraged to deepen my walk with Him? I was taking that leap of faith--giving up a summer to share the Gospel with those on the beach, at my worksite, in the city--why would that be taken from me?! 

The past six weeks have seriously been the best I have ever had. And while I may not understand the direction of my future, I am so thankful for the experiences of my past.  God has truly blessed me through my time at North Myrtle, and I don't doubt his will for my life.  

Blessings from this summer=)

1. My roommate Tina.  She is such a beautiful person, someone who imitated Christ in everything she did.  We had some great nights, just staying up late and talking about anything and everything--even if she had to work at 5:45 in the morning. Sorry Tina Fab=) 

2. My bible study and impact group! Our bible study of girls was simply amazing. Each one of the girls hold a place in my heart.  They are all true women of God, seeking after Him in all that they do.  They each are special and unique in ways that make me love them each individually and unconditionally! Our impact group includes our girls bible study, and then one of the guys bible study.  These guys are great--haha so many good memories.  They treated us to a picnic in the park as kindergartners! We had lunchables and juice boxes, and played duck duck goose, and of course Red Rover--which like always, ended up with a bloody lip=)--. We had a shaving cream war which ended up being a trip to the ocean to rinse off, a waterballoon fight, and an evening dressed as old people. So fun! These guys were truly a blessing--totally seeking after God and were great brothers in Christ! 

3. My girl, Kelsey, who even though we didn't talk much in the beginning=), rocked my world once we became friends.  I know that our friendship is for life, and though I miss her like crazy now, I can't wait to see her again.  She taught me so much about life and God, and I am SOOOO thankful for her and her insight.  I have soo many great memories with her, ha I could go on for hours.

4. My walk with God and growth in Him grew tremendously.   He taught me things and showed me things in my life that needed to change--things that have been rooted in me since I was a young girl.  It has encouraged me to continue to walk in the Spirit, be in the Word, constantly seeking Him through everything, and spend time with Him daily.

5. The community in North Myrtle was unexplainable.  I was constantly surrounded by people who loved the Lord, were constantly seeking Him out, and had a burning desire to share His love and sacrifice with those around them.  They each had a servants heart-Christ's heart-and I am so thankful to met each and every one of them. 

*Christa *Lynsey *Anna *Jena *Karen *Hannah *Lindsay *Bekah *Kristin *Ali *Annalise  

So while this is all messed up and unexpected, I am so thankful for the experience God has allowed me to have thus far this summer.  I just have to continue to trust Him, and though it is easier said than done, I have no doubt that He will take care of me.  Because we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28). 

Taking the Leap

One thing that I have REALLY been missing this summer is just the simple things that I take for granted back home. For instance, being able to swim in water without consuming gallons of salt water at a time. Don't get me wrong--I absolutely LOVE the ocean and the beach, and am going to miss it like crazy when I get back home, but it would be nice to have a lake conveniently located out my front door=) Also, campfires. Campfires are a must during the summer months, and there aren't many places down here to do that.
However I was sharing this with a friend, and he told me about a place just north of North Myrtle where they had gone just a few days before and spent an evening back in the woods by a freshwater river and roasting s'mores over a fire!! So a bunch of us packed up our stuff and headed out to spend the evening enjoying these simple things of life.
When we got there, I realized that there was a bridge near by, that wasn't very busy and was only about 15 feet above the water....being from the north woods this is a no brainer. We HAD to go bridge jumping. We checked out the depth of the water, and then headed up to the middle of the bridge. Of course the boys had to go first--they couldnt let a girl beat them to it--and so after they jumped and swam back to the shore, all eight of us girls stood up on the ledge, held hands, and counted to three before taking the freefalling step! 15 feet doesn't look very high from the shore, but let me tell you--when you are up there 15 feet might as well be 100 because its still scary!! But once you take that initial jump the rest is one of the most exhilirating and freeing feelings!
I know the whole "leap of faith" may seem a little cliche, but last night, as I pushed off the wooden bridge with my feet, I felt so out of my element--totally out of my comfort zone. I let the pull of gravity draw me to the waiting water (free of salt!!!), felt the butterflies in my stomach take flight, and felt the fresh air hit my lungs as I prepared to hold my breath! Since being down in North Myrtle, I have found that when I allow God to stretch and lead me in ways I never imagined, it is just as exciting and rewarding as my plunge into the lake. When I trust Him, surrender everything--every aspect of my life, it is such a freeing feeling! To know that I am trusting in Him who will never leave me or forsake me, who knows the number of hairs on my head, and knew me before I was born, is so much more comforting than relying on my own self. How many times have I failed before, trying to figure things out on my own! I am a worrier. I worry about everything. No really, everything. But I am beginning to see that God wants us to give those worries to Him, to simply trust Him and His perfect will for my life, and take that leap of faith. To allow Him to pull me towards His path for me, feel the butterflies of wonder and excitement in my stomach, and enjoy the ride.

Answering the Call

Well it's half way through week 5 of summer project and I can't believe how fast time is flying by! This past saturday we celebrated the 4th of July and it was the first time I was away from home.  While I missed the usual family traditions filled with parades, candy, boating, and fireworks the experience here in North Myrtle was equally enjoyable.  I had the day off (one of many=]) so I went for a run--which usually turns into a walk--came back and went to Starbucks for a quiet time with my discipler, Jena.  Then came back for lunch, helped the staff pack up, and finally hit the beach! It was the perfect day, seriously! Their were tons of people, the tide was way out so it wasnt too crowded, the sun was out with a few clouds, and the water was warm! Later that night we met as a project and had a big cookout, and had a dessert competition between bible studies.  Our study made a fruit pizza in the shape of a flag--I know, original--and it was amazing! The winner of the competition made a 3D Statue of LIberty out of rice krispies...haha it was kinda gross. Then after we ate, the party team told the directors to make their way forward for a friendly competition.  So the four of us went up and were faced with a watermelon eating relay, girls vs. guys.  So each of us got a quarter of watermelon that had to be fed to us by the other girl or guy, without using our own hands.  It was super funny, but if I don't eat watermelon for a year, I will be a happy woman=) 

This week our theme is answering the call--based on The Great Commission.  The last thing Jesus instructed his disciples to do was to go and make disciples of all nations--so our challenge this week is to answer His call and go share with the people here in North Myrtle Beach.  So the actual challenge is that if someone asks you to go sharing, you have to accept.  It's been great to see people challenging one another to step out in faith and share the Gospel! 

Tonight is our date night with Jesus--I especially love this night because it is just a great time to get away and spend alone time in the Word, in prayer, and just listen to what God's will is.  Then I'm meeting up with one of my best friends here, Kelsey, for some Starbucks and sharing of what God is doing in our lives=) Looking forward to it!! 

Now I'm off to work at the candy store-pray that I would take every opportunity to share with my coworkers--that I would be answering the call!! 

A thing called humility

So last night was the big project dinner--the Agape dinner--where the staff steps down from leadership and hands down the duties to the new student leaders. It was a crazy emotional night (having to say goodbye to my bible study leader, and just nervousness about becoming one of the few student directors), but it was great! We had a big dinner on the floor of the church gym, seperated into our bible studies. It was supposed to imitate the feeding of the 5000--we passed family style trays of different foods to one another. Then after a lot of worship and sharing, we had a candlight ceremony in which the staff leaders lit my candle as well as the other three student directors candles and then we lit the rest of the students. Then the staff blew their candles out and proceeded to leave the gym. At that moment, as the door slammed shut behind them there was a split second of complete silence--and then EVERYONE turned around and stared at the four of us! It was so intimidating and made everything that much more real! But after we talked a little bit about Phillipians 2 and the section about humility--how we need to be servants to one another and imitators of Christ. Then we had all of the bible study leaders come up and washed their feet. Then after we prayed with them we had them go back to their bible study and wash their feet. I had never done anything like that before and it was such a cool experience. It is very humbling and really set the tone for the rest of the summer!
While it is going to be a bit of an adjustment to not have staff here to direct us--not to mention having to take on that position!--I know that it will make me depend on God that much more and I am so excited for Him to stretch me in so many new ways!!

Summer side notes!

Here's just a few things from my summer thus far!!

My roommate's name is Tina! She's from UW-Madison and is a girl after my own heart!! We are so similar and I am so blessed! 

I live in the Shore Fun (haha cheesy!!) apts. right across the street from the ocean!!

There are 94 students from all over the country here with me!!

We have seen over 80 students come to Christ! God is alive and working!!

I work at a Candy store called River Street Sweets! It's great and God has given me many opportunities to share my faith with my coworkers! 

Our apts. are surrounded by other "party houses" and it's been quite eventful.  I have seen many fights, taser guns, knives, and police cars.  One of our own guys was mugged and stolen from.  Pray for safety and God's protection! 

I have become an addicted coffee drinker, love my quiet times with God, and am obsessed with the ocean. 

Esther's Chance is My Chance

Here I am. In one of the millions of Starbucks across the country, but here specifically in North Myrtle Beach, SC.  I am here because I have been called, and I have answered.  Not because I feel like I have to or should, but because I want to be.  And I cant even begin to explain all of the things that God has been teaching me! 

I came on this summer project with a variety of different emotions; excitement, fear, worry, nervousness! It was hard leaving home for ten weeks knowing that with my moms current health concerns, I wouldn't be home if anything happened. However I still felt that God was calling me here for the summer, and realized that if I stayed home waiting for something bad to happen to my mom, I obviously wasn't trusting in Him to take care of her.  

So here I am. Recalling on the last five weeks that have already FLOWN by!  Today is a big day. Today the staff that has been leading the project will officially hand over the project to the student leaders and will leave for the rest of the summer.  I have the privilege of being one of the four students that will now be directing the project. Emotions similar to the ones I felt at the  beginning of project have now made their way back to the pit of my stomach! However like I said God has been teaching me so much since being here and one thing has just been to trust Him and not depend on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6) but instead walk in the Spirit.  Having taken this position of leadership, I was beginning to believe lies of inadequacy and judgement from others--I was worried I wasn't "christian" enough, didn't know enough or strong enough to step up and lead.  But the reality of it is, it doesn't matter! Because it's not about me...it's about allowing God to work through me, use me to further His ultimate purpose.  I was reading Esther the other day and came across the passage where Mordecai pleads with Esther to go to the King...

 ¹² When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, ¹³ he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. ¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

This verse really helped me decide whether or not to step up in leadership.  Whether or not I accepted the associate director role, God's will would've been done.  It was my choice whether I wanted to be a part of it or not...whether I wanted to allow God to use me! And what is more fulfilling than that? When we allow God to work through us, when we walk in His Spirit and listen to His will, we experience life in a whole new way...one that is so much more fulfilling than the one we try to create for ourselves.  It's a freedom that is almost unexplainable--but that is why I am here...to try and tell others that they too, can experience Him and that freedom, love, grace, and life that no one else can offer! 

So here begins the next five weeks---weeks that will bring new challenges, new problems, new dilemmas, and a new chapter in my life to depend solely on the One who can bring new life!