I am currently going through an amazing study by Beth Moore, about the life of David--from his life as a shepherd boy to becoming the King of God's people. The more I learn about David, the harder it is to put the study down. There is so much to learn about him and the way he followed God. They say David was a "man after God's own heart" and I am finding that to be the case within the books of 1 and 2 Samuel.
I just finished the first book of Samuel, the final chapter ending with Saul's death. Even though Saul had tried to kill David countless times, the Bible tells us that David mourned the king's death. David even goes as far to say that Saul was "loved and gracious in life..."(vs. 23). I don't think those would have been the words I would have picked to describe a man who had spent a good portion of his life trying to kill me out of jealousy. Which is probably why this story isn't about Stephanie--a woman after God's own heart. Nevertheless, the point of this post isn't about David's grief over Saul, but instead Saul's son, Jonathan. Jonathan was also killed in battle, and fell alongside his father. Unlike his father, Jonathan loved David and protected him from the sword of Saul countless times.
Jonathan was prince, destined to become the king once Saul died. However, he knew Gods will was to have David rise as king, and humbly removed himself from the "hot seat". Now I am not destined to rule over a country, but I can imagine it was something Jonathan had been looking forward to growing up...imagining as a boy the day he would become king. Then to have to give it all over to someone else...a shepherd boy, the least of them! But Jonathan loved David..."One was a shepherd, the other a prince, yet so alike were they that they were "one in spirit" (I Sam. 18:1). So determined was Jonathan that David be king, a position that Jonathan stood to inherit, Jonathan committed his entire life to that end. I can't imagine a better example of a true friend.
So when the news of Jonathan's death reached David, I can imagine the torment it caused within him. I haven't ever lost a best friend, but I know what it's like to lose someone you care about dearly. I know the sting of death all too well and how badly it hurts, and I empathize with David in his loss of a dear friend. What stuck out to me most in this chapter is the phrase following the news of Jonathan's death. "In the course of time, David inquired of the Lord "Shall I go up to one of the towns of Judah?" (2 Sam. 2:1). I was comforted by the phrase "in the course of time..." No doubt during the "course of time" following Jonathan's death David faced many different emotions. Anger. Sadness. Grief. Confusion. I'm sure there were times when he shouted to God, asking him why? Why take his closest friend? Why take the life of someone who was so good, so kind? I have asked the same questions myself, over and over, not understanding the why. And it is only "in the course of time" that we find peace and comfort to these often unanswerable questions. Sometimes time is the only thing that works. You can bet this time will be filled with loneliness and tears, but it does pass--in fact God promises it WILL pass. The ache will remain, but the pain will be removed. And so I pray, that if you are facing these seemingly unanswerable questions of "why?", that you would seek your Savior during "this course of time"--let Him work through you, love you, and give you the only peace He can offer, a sense of healing only He can bring.
As I look back at the months following my loss, I realize how deeply I now treasure that "course of time". It was a time that I sought the Lord without abandon. It was a time of tears and frustration, but also a time of healing and restoration. He desires to comfort us during this time and He will draw nearer to you. In fact, he promises to! In the midst of pain and suffering, find comfort in Him. Blessedly, thankfully, "in the course of time."
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Seasons and Thin Places
Apples and pumpkins. Boots and sweaters. Baking and frosting. Cool mornings, earlier sunsets. All the ingredients that make up my favorite season of fall. As each day passes me by, I watch the colors of summer, alive and green, fade into the beautiful colors of autumn. I look forward to this time of year, the time of year when I can exchange shorts and tank tops for sweaters and SmartWool socks. I love the feeling of cold air filling my lungs during my early morning runs, and the comfort in cuddling up under a blanket on the couch, with a cup of tea and a good book. But this year, fall is bringing more than just apple crisp, pumpkin patches, and hayrides. It's the beginning to a new season in my life, one full of new possibilities, new adventures, and new uncertainties. I'm so excited to see what God has planned for me here in Minneapolis and am already feeling so blessed by the many doors He has opened!
However, this time of year also brings with it, some memories of pain and hurt. In contrast to the description above, I want to offer another perspective on this changing of "season".
"Some days I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I'm distracted by friends, school, work, the to-do's of life. Other days when the sun is shining and the temperature is above 20 degrees, I feel the happiness we are meant to experience in each day. But most days I feel the same--neither here nor there, going through each day without many feelings--or maybe too many feelings all at the same time to even recognize them anymore. I went for a long walk the other day (before the temp dropped a bazillion degrees)...I grabbed my iPod and walked down to the park hoping to enjoy the beauty of nature. I don't know really what I was expecting to find, but in this lovely state of Wisconsin everything is dead and/or covered in snow and ice. As I walked through the park slightly mad at myself for walking all the way to the park for nothing, I felt God leading me to just sit on a nearby bench. As I looked over the lake and around me, I noticed bits of color trying to peak out through the white snow--trees still holding on to red leaves, grass peaking through the snow, and the bluest of skies. I realized that this was very similar to the way my spiritual walk seemed. Empty, cold, bitter, and dreary, but with glimpses of color--hope, peace, love. My prayer is that He would continue to melt the bitter winter in my heart and fill it with color--this only He can give. I am blinded by a broken heart to see the path set before me, and am in need of a Savior to carry me instead. And while I rest on his chest, I pray he would color in the empty spaces in my heart."
This is from a post I wrote almost 3 years ago, shortly after my mom passed away--yet another season in my life. As I look back and recall those feelings of loss and confusion, hurt and pain, I am reminded of God's faithfulness and love. One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, refers to something she calls "thin places". Thin places are those moments or places when the boundary between the natural world and the supernatural is more permeable, thinner, if you will. Often I find this "thin place" while out enjoying nature, reveling in God's beauty and feeling His presence within it. But I also believe that we can experience God's presence during times of brokenness. Heartbreak brings us lots of places--to despair, to bitterness, to emptiness, to numbness, to isolation. But if we allow God to walk us through the brokenness, it can lead us to a deeper sense of His presence. I believe God does his best work in our lives during times of heartbreak and trials, and if we open up our hearts to what He has in store, trusting in His love for us, all the while resting in Him, He will "color in the empty spaces"--restoring life and joy into our lives.
We will face many different seasons in our lives, bringing times of happiness and hope and a lot more times of trail and tragedy. But we serve a God who is unchanging, unwavering, and unwilling to cease LOVING us! So whether you find yourself in a time of new and exciting things ahead, or in a season of heartbreak and hardship, remember to look for those "thin places", seek out God's presence, and find peace and restoration in Him and His love for you.
"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
However, this time of year also brings with it, some memories of pain and hurt. In contrast to the description above, I want to offer another perspective on this changing of "season".
"Some days I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I'm distracted by friends, school, work, the to-do's of life. Other days when the sun is shining and the temperature is above 20 degrees, I feel the happiness we are meant to experience in each day. But most days I feel the same--neither here nor there, going through each day without many feelings--or maybe too many feelings all at the same time to even recognize them anymore. I went for a long walk the other day (before the temp dropped a bazillion degrees)...I grabbed my iPod and walked down to the park hoping to enjoy the beauty of nature. I don't know really what I was expecting to find, but in this lovely state of Wisconsin everything is dead and/or covered in snow and ice. As I walked through the park slightly mad at myself for walking all the way to the park for nothing, I felt God leading me to just sit on a nearby bench. As I looked over the lake and around me, I noticed bits of color trying to peak out through the white snow--trees still holding on to red leaves, grass peaking through the snow, and the bluest of skies. I realized that this was very similar to the way my spiritual walk seemed. Empty, cold, bitter, and dreary, but with glimpses of color--hope, peace, love. My prayer is that He would continue to melt the bitter winter in my heart and fill it with color--this only He can give. I am blinded by a broken heart to see the path set before me, and am in need of a Savior to carry me instead. And while I rest on his chest, I pray he would color in the empty spaces in my heart."
This is from a post I wrote almost 3 years ago, shortly after my mom passed away--yet another season in my life. As I look back and recall those feelings of loss and confusion, hurt and pain, I am reminded of God's faithfulness and love. One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, refers to something she calls "thin places". Thin places are those moments or places when the boundary between the natural world and the supernatural is more permeable, thinner, if you will. Often I find this "thin place" while out enjoying nature, reveling in God's beauty and feeling His presence within it. But I also believe that we can experience God's presence during times of brokenness. Heartbreak brings us lots of places--to despair, to bitterness, to emptiness, to numbness, to isolation. But if we allow God to walk us through the brokenness, it can lead us to a deeper sense of His presence. I believe God does his best work in our lives during times of heartbreak and trials, and if we open up our hearts to what He has in store, trusting in His love for us, all the while resting in Him, He will "color in the empty spaces"--restoring life and joy into our lives.
We will face many different seasons in our lives, bringing times of happiness and hope and a lot more times of trail and tragedy. But we serve a God who is unchanging, unwavering, and unwilling to cease LOVING us! So whether you find yourself in a time of new and exciting things ahead, or in a season of heartbreak and hardship, remember to look for those "thin places", seek out God's presence, and find peace and restoration in Him and His love for you.
"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
"Lord, there are so many seasons, That we go through in life,
May each season bring forth fruit, So you may be glorified."~M.S.Lowndes
May each season bring forth fruit, So you may be glorified."~M.S.Lowndes
Sunday, September 2, 2012
A Year in the Rearview Mirror
Well I have been an official Minnesota resident for 7 whole days now, and I have to admit...I'm loving the Viking state more than I would like to admit. Though there have been bouts of homesickness and loneliness, I have loved getting to explore the city!! After moving in and getting settled into my new apartment, I have spent time trying new restaurants, going for runs in nearby parks, and spending time with my wonderful roommate and new friends! And of course I am looking forward to starting my grad classes next week--that is the point of this move anyway...:)
However, before I begin this new and exciting journey, I want to take a moment and reflect on this past year. As excited I am for the future and the many new things God has in store, I want to recognize the many blessings He has provided during my time at home and as a kindergarten teacher.
It's crazy to think that this time last year, I was putting the final touches on my new room, a classroom that would be home to 15 brilliant and passionate 5 year olds. As I worried and hurried around, I thought about how I would measure up to all of the other teachers in my building and the ones within my own past. I had done my time, took the necessary classes, and earned my degree--yet I still felt completely inadequate. Soon enough, the first day came and went and with the strength that only God can give, I found myself standing in front of my students and parents on the last day of school. As I gave out each diploma, I watched each child walk up to the podium, wearing their colorful caps and gowns, and smiles as bright as the sun!! These kids had become like my own, and I loved each one of them in their own special way. Such different personalities, quirks and interests, yet all so passionate about life! They have changed me inside and out, and though I have begun to gray rather prematurely due to stress and worry over their safety and well-being, it was worth every minute. They truly are some of the most amazing, smart, talented young girls and boys I have ever met. They taught me the importance of play and using your imagination. They taught me to have faith and hope in things that we may not always understand. They taught me patience, and have given me many opportunities to practice grace and forgiveness ;). I have memories to last me a lifetime, it truly was a year I will not forget.
However, before I begin this new and exciting journey, I want to take a moment and reflect on this past year. As excited I am for the future and the many new things God has in store, I want to recognize the many blessings He has provided during my time at home and as a kindergarten teacher.
It's crazy to think that this time last year, I was putting the final touches on my new room, a classroom that would be home to 15 brilliant and passionate 5 year olds. As I worried and hurried around, I thought about how I would measure up to all of the other teachers in my building and the ones within my own past. I had done my time, took the necessary classes, and earned my degree--yet I still felt completely inadequate. Soon enough, the first day came and went and with the strength that only God can give, I found myself standing in front of my students and parents on the last day of school. As I gave out each diploma, I watched each child walk up to the podium, wearing their colorful caps and gowns, and smiles as bright as the sun!! These kids had become like my own, and I loved each one of them in their own special way. Such different personalities, quirks and interests, yet all so passionate about life! They have changed me inside and out, and though I have begun to gray rather prematurely due to stress and worry over their safety and well-being, it was worth every minute. They truly are some of the most amazing, smart, talented young girls and boys I have ever met. They taught me the importance of play and using your imagination. They taught me to have faith and hope in things that we may not always understand. They taught me patience, and have given me many opportunities to practice grace and forgiveness ;). I have memories to last me a lifetime, it truly was a year I will not forget.
Undoubtedly, I was also faced with many challenges and hard times, and I am most thankful for family and friends who supported me and encouraged me throughout the year. I am truly blessed and don't want to ever take those treasure relationships for granted. I loved living at home, and the opportunities to spend time with my dad and brother. I was SO fortunate to have close friends nearby, friends who I owe a large part of my sanity to :) And though the new move has created more distance than I would like, I am confident they will remain some of my nearest and dearest friends!
Wow, what a year! I am so thankful for such an experience, one that has bettered me as a person, and has prepared me for this next chapter in my life! So excited to see where this new path leads...I'll keep you posted. :)
Monday, February 6, 2012
Cupcake Vino
Enjoying the little things in life tonight....
After a busy day with my kindergartners, celebrating the 100th day of school, I was exhausted and ready to put my feet up. So instead I went to the gym. This whole half marathon training is beginning to become quite an inconvenience :) Nonetheless after a quick run, I threw my gym bag in the car and started the trek home. As per usual, I began my evening routine of unwinding with a few minutes on Pinterest, which was a pretty obvious indication of my growing appetite. After browsing some cooking blogs I decided on a new recipe that actually took more than 5 minutes and a microwave to prepare.
30 minutes later, with a glass of wine in hand and the smell of apricot chicken simmering in the oven, I have finally put those feet up. :) Such a simple, yet relaxing night--I even got the boys to help tonight....with only several complaints and jokes about what my roommates like to call "chaos cooking". 2 minutes left on the timer, I guess we'll find out how chaotic it really is.
Bon Appetite!
Here's the tasty recipe!
After a busy day with my kindergartners, celebrating the 100th day of school, I was exhausted and ready to put my feet up. So instead I went to the gym. This whole half marathon training is beginning to become quite an inconvenience :) Nonetheless after a quick run, I threw my gym bag in the car and started the trek home. As per usual, I began my evening routine of unwinding with a few minutes on Pinterest, which was a pretty obvious indication of my growing appetite. After browsing some cooking blogs I decided on a new recipe that actually took more than 5 minutes and a microwave to prepare.
30 minutes later, with a glass of wine in hand and the smell of apricot chicken simmering in the oven, I have finally put those feet up. :) Such a simple, yet relaxing night--I even got the boys to help tonight....with only several complaints and jokes about what my roommates like to call "chaos cooking". 2 minutes left on the timer, I guess we'll find out how chaotic it really is.
Bon Appetite!
Here's the tasty recipe!
Moroccan Chicken with Apricots and Squash
Weight Watchers Recipe
Ratings (313)
9PointsPlusValue
Prep time: 18 min
Cook time: 42 min
Serves: 4
This fabulous one-pot meal can also be made in a slow cooker. If you don’t have apricots on hand, try prunes. And pumpkin is tasty instead of squash.
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