Seasons and Thin Places

Apples and pumpkins. Boots and sweaters. Baking and frosting. Cool mornings, earlier sunsets. All the ingredients that make up my favorite season of fall. As each day passes me by, I watch the colors of summer, alive and green, fade into the beautiful colors of autumn.  I look forward to this time of year, the time of year when I can exchange shorts and tank tops for sweaters and SmartWool socks. I love the feeling of cold air filling my lungs during my early morning runs, and the comfort in cuddling up under a blanket on the couch, with a cup of tea and a good book. But this year, fall is bringing more than just apple crisp, pumpkin patches, and hayrides.  It's the beginning to a new season in my life, one full of new possibilities, new adventures, and new uncertainties.  I'm so excited to see what God has planned for me here in Minneapolis and am already feeling so blessed by the many doors He has opened! 

However, this time of year also brings with it, some memories of pain and hurt. In contrast to the description above, I want to offer another perspective on this changing of "season". 

"Some days I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I'm distracted by friends, school, work, the to-do's of life. Other days when the sun is shining and the temperature is above 20 degrees, I feel the happiness we are meant to experience in each day. But most days I feel the same--neither here nor there, going through each day without many feelings--or maybe too many feelings all at the same time to even recognize them anymore. I went for a long walk the other day (before the temp dropped a bazillion degrees)...I grabbed my iPod and walked down to the park hoping to enjoy the beauty of nature. I don't know really what I was expecting to find, but in this lovely state of Wisconsin everything is dead and/or covered in snow and ice. As I walked through the park slightly mad at myself for walking all the way to the park for nothing, I felt God leading me to just sit on a nearby bench. As I looked over the lake and around me, I noticed bits of color trying to peak out through the white snow--trees still holding on to red leaves, grass peaking through the snow, and the bluest of skies.  I realized that this was very similar to the way my spiritual walk seemed. Empty, cold, bitter, and dreary, but with glimpses of color--hope, peace, love. My prayer is that He would continue to melt the bitter winter in my heart and fill it with color--this only He can give. I am blinded by a broken heart to see the path set before me, and am in need of a Savior to carry me instead. And while I rest on his chest, I pray he would color in the empty spaces in my heart."

This is from a post I wrote almost 3 years ago, shortly after my mom passed away--yet another season in my life.  As I look back and recall those feelings of loss and confusion, hurt and pain, I am reminded of God's faithfulness and love. One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, refers to something she calls "thin places".  Thin places are those moments or places when the boundary between the natural world and the supernatural is more permeable, thinner, if you will.  Often I find this "thin place" while out enjoying nature, reveling in God's beauty and feeling His presence within it. But I also believe that we can experience God's presence during times of brokenness.  Heartbreak brings us lots of places--to despair, to bitterness, to emptiness, to numbness, to isolation.  But if we allow God to walk us through the brokenness, it can lead us to a deeper sense of His presence. I believe God does his best work in our lives during times of heartbreak and trials, and if we open up our hearts to what He has in store, trusting in His love for us, all the while resting in Him, He will "color in the empty spaces"--restoring life and joy into our lives.  

We will face many different seasons in our lives, bringing times of happiness and hope and a lot more times of trail and tragedy.  But we serve a God who is unchanging, unwavering, and unwilling to cease LOVING us! So whether you find yourself  in a time of new and exciting things ahead, or in a season of heartbreak and hardship, remember to look for those "thin places", seek out God's presence, and find peace and restoration in Him and His love for you. 

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

"Lord, there are so many seasons, That we go through in life,
May each season bring forth fruit, So you may be glorified."~M.S.Lowndes

A Year in the Rearview Mirror

Well I have been an official Minnesota resident for 7 whole days now, and I have to admit...I'm loving the Viking state more than I would like to admit.  Though there have been bouts of homesickness and loneliness, I have loved getting to explore the city!! After moving in and getting settled into my new apartment, I have spent time trying new restaurants, going for runs in nearby parks, and spending time with my wonderful roommate and new friends! And of course I am looking forward to starting my grad classes next week--that is the point of this move anyway...:) 

However, before I begin this new and exciting journey, I want to take a moment and reflect on this past year.  As excited I am for the future and the many new things God has in store, I want to recognize the many blessings He has provided during my time at home and as a kindergarten teacher. 

It's crazy to think that this time last year, I was putting the final touches on my new room, a classroom that would be home to 15 brilliant and passionate 5 year olds.  As I worried and hurried around, I thought about how I would measure up to all of the other teachers in my building and the ones within my own past.   I had done my time, took the necessary classes, and earned my degree--yet I still felt completely inadequate.  Soon enough, the first day came and went and with the strength that only God can give, I found myself standing in front of my students and parents on the last day of school.  As I gave out each diploma, I watched each child walk up to the podium, wearing their colorful caps and gowns, and smiles as bright as the sun!! These kids had become like my own, and I loved each one of them in their own special way.  Such different personalities, quirks and interests, yet all so passionate about life! They have changed me inside and out, and though I have begun to gray rather prematurely due to stress and worry over their safety and well-being, it was worth every minute. They truly are some of the most amazing, smart, talented young girls and boys I have ever met.  They taught me the importance of play and using your imagination.  They taught me to have faith and hope in things that we may not always understand.  They taught me patience, and have given me many opportunities to practice grace and forgiveness ;).  I have memories to last me a lifetime, it truly was a year I will not forget. 

Undoubtedly, I was also faced with many challenges and hard times, and I am most thankful for family and friends who supported me and encouraged me throughout the year.  I am truly blessed and don't want to ever take those treasure relationships for granted.  I loved living at home, and the opportunities to spend time with my dad and brother.  I was SO fortunate to have close friends nearby, friends who I owe a large part of my sanity to :) And though the new move has created more distance than I would like, I am confident they will remain some of my nearest and dearest friends!

Wow, what a year! I am so thankful for such an experience, one that has bettered me as a person, and has prepared me for this next chapter in my life! So excited to see where this new path leads...I'll keep you posted. :)