Esther's Chance is My Chance

Here I am. In one of the millions of Starbucks across the country, but here specifically in North Myrtle Beach, SC.  I am here because I have been called, and I have answered.  Not because I feel like I have to or should, but because I want to be.  And I cant even begin to explain all of the things that God has been teaching me! 

I came on this summer project with a variety of different emotions; excitement, fear, worry, nervousness! It was hard leaving home for ten weeks knowing that with my moms current health concerns, I wouldn't be home if anything happened. However I still felt that God was calling me here for the summer, and realized that if I stayed home waiting for something bad to happen to my mom, I obviously wasn't trusting in Him to take care of her.  

So here I am. Recalling on the last five weeks that have already FLOWN by!  Today is a big day. Today the staff that has been leading the project will officially hand over the project to the student leaders and will leave for the rest of the summer.  I have the privilege of being one of the four students that will now be directing the project. Emotions similar to the ones I felt at the  beginning of project have now made their way back to the pit of my stomach! However like I said God has been teaching me so much since being here and one thing has just been to trust Him and not depend on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6) but instead walk in the Spirit.  Having taken this position of leadership, I was beginning to believe lies of inadequacy and judgement from others--I was worried I wasn't "christian" enough, didn't know enough or strong enough to step up and lead.  But the reality of it is, it doesn't matter! Because it's not about me...it's about allowing God to work through me, use me to further His ultimate purpose.  I was reading Esther the other day and came across the passage where Mordecai pleads with Esther to go to the King...

 ¹² When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, ¹³ he sent back this answer: "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. ¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

This verse really helped me decide whether or not to step up in leadership.  Whether or not I accepted the associate director role, God's will would've been done.  It was my choice whether I wanted to be a part of it or not...whether I wanted to allow God to use me! And what is more fulfilling than that? When we allow God to work through us, when we walk in His Spirit and listen to His will, we experience life in a whole new way...one that is so much more fulfilling than the one we try to create for ourselves.  It's a freedom that is almost unexplainable--but that is why I am here...to try and tell others that they too, can experience Him and that freedom, love, grace, and life that no one else can offer! 

So here begins the next five weeks---weeks that will bring new challenges, new problems, new dilemmas, and a new chapter in my life to depend solely on the One who can bring new life!