Miles of Gratitude.

I've gotten into the habit of saving my long training runs for Sunday nights as it seems to be a relaxing way to end my usually busy weekends.  This time was no exception. Except that it was 90 degrees out, humid, and I had spent the majority of the weekend laying in the sun, switching out water for cold beer.  Lesson learned. 

So after I started seeing stars around mile 5, I decided to call it quits.  Still, the three mile walk that separated me and my air-conditioned apartment forced me to slow down and do some soul searching. I was feeling super frustrated and disappointed in myself for not being able to finish my run, turning what was supposed to be a relaxing run into a pity walk and one heck of a bad attitude.  Fortunately, as Minnesota began to cool off so did I, and I decided to instead focus on some of the things I have to be thankful for. 

It has been almost three years since I moved to Minnesota, which actually blows my mind.  I have been so lucky to make such wonderful friends since then and had the chance to spend the weekend with a few of my favorites.  Wisconsin provided us with some sunny weather, perfect for the day of boating and sun bathing we had planned. I love getting to share my hometown with new friends, catching up with old friends, and spending relaxing nights around a bonfire under the stars.  But instead of thinking of these things as we made our way back to the cities, my thoughts turned to the busy week ahead, the emails that needed my attention, the phone calls that would have to be made, and then the 8 miles that still needed to be run.  

Am I really in that much of a hurry that I leave no time for gratitude? To give thanks for anything? Everything? 

In her book, One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp shares that the secret to complete joy in life is thankfulness.  Although we might not understand why God brings us to different challenges or trials, we can still receive His grace in our life.  When we more fully understand the depth of His grace, we are given the opportunity to give thanksgiving.  And when we share our gratitude we experience a bounty of joy.  

So as you prepare for your week, take a moment to make a list of the things in your life that you are thankful for.  As you face adversity or challenges this week, know that you still have to the choice to give thanks instead of giving up.  Trust in God's grace and His plan for your life.  And allow the joy that only comes from resting in Him keep you moving forward.  Even if it's not at a running pace. 

XO, S

Friday #firstworldproblems

It's Friday afternoon, which means despite the casual dress attire and Chipotle take out (like I said its Friday ya'll, treat yourself), I am still literally counting down the minutes until I can pack my bag and head home for the weekend.  Surely someone with this much excitement for the end of the work week would have some huge weekend plans, right? Absolutely not and I couldn't be more excited.  Tonight mostly consists of more take out, leftover Halloween candy, a glass or bottle of wine, and Netflix. Both my roommates are out of town which means all bets are off, pants are optional, and my laundry will be free to sprawl outside of my bedroom walls.

Like I said, I'm really looking forward to it.

But let's get back to the office. I arrived late to work after rushing from a fitness class, only to realize I had left my mug of fresh coffee sitting on the kitchen counter in my apartment. Though it may seem like no real cause for concern, being a person of routine, I was quite certain the remainder of my Friday was ruined. I made my way through morning emails and voice mails, completely irritated and caffeine-deprived. Tasks that normally would have taken a few minutes, were consuming much longer periods of time due to my complete lack of concentration and/or motivation. I answered a few phone calls, only to be further annoyed by the "completely incompetent".

I am so grateful for my coworkers--not only are they encouraging, funny, helpful--they accept my occasional irrational irritability and/or pretend not to notice. My friend Megan stopped by my desk this afternoon to deliver this little note, and my afternoon was turned upside down.

"Our workday lives are filled with opportunities to bless others. The power of a single glance or an encouraging smile must never be underestimated." -G. Richard Rieger

Despite the daily inconveniences that can seem so trivial at times, we have to opportunity to respond in a way that will bless others.  Instead of selfishly looking for ways to turn our day around, we can look for the possibility to make someone else's better. 

I taped it right to my work phone so that each time it rings and I'm tempted to answer it with negativity, I am reminded to switch it out for gratitude and a positive attitude. 

Only a few more hours left until its officially the weekend! But whose counting?? Happy Friday!

The truth about the last 5 years.

On October 26, 2009--almost 5 years ago--I watched the leaves, in all of their beautiful colors, struggle to hold on to the high branches of the trees just outside the hospital window.  As winter was nearing, their fight would soon be over--quickly falling to the ground, leaving the grass and parking lot covered in leaves.  What once represented new life and the coming of warmer weather, now predicted months of freezing temps, an abundance of snow, and shorter days.  I turned my head back inside the hospital room only to find a very similar situation to the harsh reality outside the window.  My mom lay in bed, having been just put on hospice care.  Like the leaves outside, she too was holding on to the last bit of life she had left. I sat at her side holding her hand, wondering how on earth it had gotten to this point. Months of treatment, surgeries, medications, and prayer still left me clinging to her bedside, wishing for just a little more time. Yet she was strong. She was calm. She was ready to go home. And the very next morning, that's exactly what she did. 

A lot has happened in the following five years. I graduated from college, moved home, became a teacher, moved to a city, went back to college, graduated again, started a new career...yet I can recall the days, weeks, and months following my mom's death like it was yesterday.  And at that time, I wasn't sure I would ever come out from the darkness that seemed to consume me. As I walked around campus, I would see other students walking to class, seemingly without a care in the world. Quite honestly I wanted to walk right up to them and punch them in the face (the anger phase of grief in full force). But instead, I took my anger, hurt, and frustrations to God--who immediately wrapped His arms around me, filling me with peace, strength, and eventually hope. I was blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who supported me, comforted me, encouraged me, and loved me unconditionally.  Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries came and went and though the burden of loss still remained heavy, I was able to celebrate and cherish the memories of such moments spent with my mom. 

We spent the first Christmas without her at my family's home in Montana. Nestled high up in the mountains, "Legends" as the house has come to be known, provided a place of rest, a refuge where I could curl up by the fire, close my eyes, and remember the legacy my mom had left behind.  Taking to heart Matthew 11:28, "Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I spent the remainder of that week resting in the arms of God, the same strong arms that had carried my mom home the morning she entered Heaven. And ever since I have continued to find comfort in the faithfulness and promises of God. 

So you want to know the truth about the last five years without my mom?? Look to His Word. Within it, I found the Truth that led me out of darkness: His Word "a lamp to my feet, a light unto my path'. In the last five years He has healed my broken heart, bound up my wounds (Psalm 147:3) so that I can face each day anew, stronger than the day before. He has overcome the world, so that you and I may have peace, despite times of tribulation (John 16:33). We can have confidence that even in hardship, the battle has already been won, and He is on our side. He is my stronghold, my refuge, and strength in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). We don't have to face trials alone--He is always there, holding our hand, carrying us when life knocks us off our feet. And He has faithfully carried me for the last five years, from the side of my mom's hospital bed to where I am today. That's the truth.

But you know what the greatest, most exciting truth of all is?  My mom has looked upon the face of Jesus, she has touched the scars on His hands. He has looked her in the eyes, saying "Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord. (Matthew 25:21)”!! And I can't think of a greater comfort in the world.  

So almost five years later, I again watch the leaves change color and fall to the ground as we near the end of October.  I am reminded of that last night spent with my mom, sharing our last few moments together on this side of Heaven--and I continue to cling to God's truth, the truth that winter will not last forever.  Just as spring brings new life, God promises eternal life. I can be assured that I will see my mom again one day--and I can find comfort in the fact that now, I am five years CLOSER to that day. What a beautiful, glorious day that will be. 

Tanzanian Dependence.

It has been three weeks since I arrived home from my trip to Tanzania, yet I find myself daily wishing to be back with all of the friends we made and places we visited along the way. While I am still processing through all of the lessons learned from our trip, I wanted to share something I learned specifically from one of the teachers at a school we visited. I hope her words will impact you as much as they did me. 

"It was difficult. The floors were covered in mud and the students had to sit on concrete blocks because there were no desks for them.  Water leaked through the ceilings, the rain almost impossible to keep out. But we were happy. And the students were happy, because we had Christ living in us."

These simple words from Sister Mlay will forever change the way I look at the circumstances in which I find myself.  How easy it is to become so self-sufficient in a culture with all of the resources we need so readily available.  In becoming more and more self-reliant, we find ourselves needing and seeking out God less and less.  We begin to credit our success to our own efforts and capabilities, instead of giving any glory back to the One who created such capabilities within us in the first place.  But take away the comfort, take away the means and resources, and what do you have?

Dependence.

Total dependence on the only One who can provide exactly what you need and in a way that will bring Him glory.  The people of Tanzania understand this.  It is a lesson they have taught me.  True happiness doesn't come from a job promotion, a checking account, or even suitable desks for students.  It comes from Christ living within us, when we allow Him to take control of our circumstances, believing that His timing and in His power, only He can provide for our needs.  And in a way greater than we could ever imagine.

So while I will continue to pray for God's continued blessings on the people of Tanzania and the work they are doing there, I am so thankful for the reminder of our need to depend on God, to find our satisfaction and happiness in Christ and Christ alone.

If you are interested in learning how you can help support the people of Tanzania, please let me know.  I would be happy to put you in contact with some of the partnerships and people we know and get you connected. There is such a need and your support could truly change the lives of the people living there! 

Moving Forward in Faith

Seasons of Faith.  I'm going to be honest about how I came up with the recent name change of my blog.  It was mid January and the polar vortex was in full force.  No doubt I was buried under a pile of blankets and wearing layers of wool socks, as I watched the news reporter predict a week of sub-zero temps.  Stir-crazy and angry, I decided that if I was going to make it through the next three (to seven) months of winter in the Midwest, I had to change my thinking.  I resolved to see life in seasons not based on weather, but instead on the new opportunities and situations that came my way, and to be grateful for the changes and blessings that came along with them.  I can't say that there weren't days that I didn't curse the snow I walked on, but it did help. And then there was daylight savings and a more recent trend of warmer, spring-like weather which has also helped me maintain my sanity.

The funny thing about looking at life in seasons, is they can change just as quickly as the weather in Minnesota.  One day things are going in one direction, and then in a blink of an eye, life shifts gears and sends you spinning. This happened to my best friend, Amanda.

We met in college, both freshman in the education program with dreams of becoming teachers and changing the world.  We took all of the same classes, loathed the same professors, did our student teaching together, and even subbed at the same schools after graduation.  Then the time came to start applying for our first teaching positions.  I landed my first job within a few months as a kindergarten teacher in my hometown.  Unfortunately Amanda had a tougher time finding a position.  It was over two years of searching, when she had almost completely given up on ever finding a job, that she was finally offered a position as a kindergarten teacher! All of her waiting had paid off and her dream of changing the lives of students was finally coming true.  That was until she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer just a few weeks later.  

Amanda and I have been through a lot together, the good and bad.  We laughed our way through the horrible subbing placements (and the margaritas that usually followed).  She made sure that in the weeks and months following my mom's death that I didn't fall behind in school by emailing professors and submitting my assignments. I know by now that if she calls me three times in a row, its BIG news.  Like the day her boyfriend proposed.  Or the day she found the lump.  

Like I said, life is unpredictable, and the hope that we can control every part of our life--a joke.  However, God is the unchanging-He is the same today as He was yesterday and His love for us is never-ending. 

"For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken," says the LORD, who has mercy on you" (Isaiah 54:10). 

Through each season of change, we can trust in the One who is sovereign, who is using each and every trial to renew our faith and bring us closer  to Him.  

It has been raining non-stop here in Minnesota for the last two weeks, and although I'm seriously vitamin D deficient (and perma-crabby), I have faith that with rain comes new life. I have hope that in the midst of the storm, God is working all things for the good, and soon the sun will return and the grass, never the greener.

A letter to my 15 year old self.

On my last visit home, I came across a long forgotten gem from my teenage years...a letter I had written to my future self, as an assignment for my freshmen english class.  We were to write about what we hoped our lives would like, what dreams we had hoped to have pursued by then.  Ha, while it was fun reminiscing my dreams of being a lawyer (shortly after Legally Blonde came out...) and having 5 kids by the time I was 25 (?!?) it got me thinking.  There are some life lessons I have learned in the past ten years that I wish someone had taught me then. **I'm sure my parents made some attempt, but what teenager is listening to their parents, amIright?** Though I don't have any regrets with the way things have worked out, I think such advice would've made a big difference on how I perceived my season of life as a high school freshman.

So...to my 15 year old self; some advice.

Stop trying to be liked by everyone.

Be yourself and stop worrying what others might think.  Stop asking your parents to spend obscene amounts of money on Abercrombie jeans and Gap hoodies.  No one will think of you differently (or even notice) if you show up in clothes you got from Target (or in your case, the local Pamida). If they do they aren't worth your time anyway.  Invest in the people who care about you, instead of trying to earn the approval of the ones who don't.  Unfortunately, ten years from now you will still be pretty obsessed with wanting everyone to like you. But you will slowly discover who and what is most important in your life. Which brings me to my next point. 

Quality trumps quantity.

In effort to make friends with everyone, you are losing quality time with the people who love you most.  You won't talk to most of them after graduation anyway.  So stop spreading yourself and your time too thin--invest your time and energy into the relationships and friendships that matter to you most.

Also--you can't do everything.  You don't have to be in every sport, on every committee.  Pick a few and give it your best, instead of trying to do them all, poorly. 

Family comes first, friends second.

They say that a girl learns to appreciate her mom more and more as she grows up.  So the fact that you spend very little time talking with and showing appreciation to her now is somewhat typical.  But unfortunately, you don't have the typical timeframe as most other teenage girls.  Cherish EVERY minute of the next six years with this amazing woman.  Gosh, what I would give for another day with her.  There are so many things I want to ask her now, in this new season of life--questions I have and can't ever be answered.  So instead of blowing her off to spend more time with friends, just stay at home.  Help her make dinner, wash the dishes.  And when she gets sick, stay home and help. She won't ask for it, you might not even realize she needs help. But you won't ever regret spending that time with her.  It's going to seem unfair, you're going to wish you had a "ordinary, healthy" mom.  But let me tell you, there is nothing ordinary about her.  She is extraordinary in EVERY way possible. So please, love her, learn from her, and appreciate all of the things you find so annoying about her right now. 

Also, if you think you love your dad to the moon and back now--just wait...you have no idea how much you will come to appreciate him in the next ten years.

Don't be lukewarm.

Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.  Don't let other people talk you into doing something you don't want to do.  Your faith is important to you, don't be afraid to share it!  Unfortunately you cant live in the world and live out your faith at the same time.  Be proud of what you believe in and make decisions you can be proud of.  

And whatever you do, do it whole heartedly--give it your very best.  

Enjoy your petite figure while you can.

Your 20-something metabolism sucks. Enough said. 

Enjoy this season.

This is something you will most likely struggle with for the rest of your life.  Stop waiting for the next season of life to begin or wishing you could go back and relive the past.  God is constantly blessing us and teaching us in different ways in each phase of life--some lessons harder than others, but each offers opportunities of growth and refinement.  His plans our beyond anything we could ever imagine, and He will be faithful in HIS perfect time.  Trust me, trust Him. 

You aren't good at basketball. Get a new hobby.

You will eventually grow into your awkward, lanky body.  Until then, skip the hoops and use those skinny legs for running outside.  I promise, you will enjoy it a lot more than sitting the bench. 

Write more.

Don't wait until the "real world" to start journaling.  What you are thinking and experiencing now is important, growing you in ways you may not even realize yet.  Plus, I would pay a pretty penny to relive some of our major embarrassing moments, awkward school dances, and boy drama. 

Get more lunch detentions.

Earning the yearly trip to "Kart Way" is not worth sucking up to teachers all year long.  Having to sit in Mrs. Justice's room for 25 minutes during lunch period is not the end of the world (well except for her pet snake). Don't be afraid to have a little fun, just don't get crazy...or expelled. 

Enjoy living in a small town.

You may hate it now and want nothing more than to move away.  But I promise you, it's the only place you'll ever love coming back to.  

You have a pretty great ten years ahead--you will be blessed and loved beyond belief. Enjoy! xo

Twenty-Five.

Well Year 24 has come to an end and tomorrow I round the corner of a quarter century! Along with the ability to consume serious amounts of cake and sugar with minimal guilt, I love being able to look back on the year and recall all of the little moments that made it so special.  Lots of changes this last year, some exciting and others hard, but all necessary to bring me to where I am today.  So thankful for this life and all of the people in it, the opportunities for growth and relationships, and the One who has blessed me so abundantly each day.  Bring it on 25, I am ready for you!

Some of my favorite moments of Year 24 

Packer pre-season game in Lambeau

Country Fest with my BFF (+Luke Bryan!!)

My move to the Cities!!

New friends :)

Old friends :)

Replacement Refs. Enough Said.

Nannying this gem

Cranberry fest in Eagle River

Breakfast Dates 

Thanksgiving Festivities

Turkey Bowl 2012

Toby Keiths, duh.

Holidazzle Parade!

Christmas with Family

Happy New Year!!! 2013 

Celebrating Sarah's 21st in Vegas

Crashed Ice with friends

(Not) Our 1st Rodeo!!

Klondike Days!!

St. John trip!! 

ACMs 2013 with my cowgirls!

Celebrity Run-ins: Carrie Underwood...

Keith Urban...

Bachelorette star and fellow UW-Oshkosh Alumni...

Taylor Swift and Ryan Gosling ;)

Cinco de Mayo!

Eurotrip 2013

Cruising Lochness in Scotland

Guinness Brewery in Dublin

London!!